A DAY OF EMBRASSMENTS

"Chi! Chi!!" Cried my twin chiemelie "what’s wrong with you?" he asks with traces of worry and anxiety seeping into his voice "i am fine" I gritt through clenched teeth or it was more like a hiss as beads of sweat trinkle down my face. "Oh God, oh God!" I cry out in my mind as I hear my belly rumbles as though to the beat of the Argentine Rumba. "Chinasa!" Chiemelie shouts and I knew by his tone as he never calls me by my full name except he is angry, worried or serious and my guess is this time he is 2 of the 3 “toi – let”, I gasp “what?” He asks yet again. "I said, toilet" I grimace. "oh... oh!" And it was as though series of my bladder incidents over the years flash through his mind. It was a known fact in the Okeke family that my bladder was something to be reckoned with; when we were younger I would wet the bed that chiemelie and I shared, wake up in the middle of the night roll him to the spot and change my clothes leaving him to take the blame. There was even a time in secondary school when I was having my period and was about to go have my bath when a friend said sploon instead of spoon and I laughed so hard that I gushed on the floor leaving a pool of blood in my wake as I ran to the bathroom. "Driver! Driver! Abeg Park we wan piss" chiemelie shouted. “ehn! I no dey stop o! Una know wetin happen wey LASMA stop me and dey collect #1500 for ma hand because una keep load for car wey no make boot close. We don dey back for d journey I no fit stop” the driver laments in response. “Oga! How far now? I say stop, abi we no pay for d Moto ni, abi u wan kill person pikin?” replies my brother in frustration. “Ok! Ok! Why u dey hala for ma head I go stop wen we reach highway where bush plenty” concedes the driver. Looking at me as though for approval that I could hold myself for that long I nod not wanting to embarrass myself any further as I know it was out of love and of course self-preservation that he is doing all that he is doing. As the car comes to a screeching halt I run like a mad woman out of the vehicle nudging and well giving a few elbows to those around in my attempt to come out of the car. Oh no! I shout in my head as I feel something hot slide down from my bum as I race towards the bushes, taking cover I quickly pulled off my trousers with my pant following as I stoop to finish what had already started in my pants. Relieved I rise and use the serviette I pulled from the fast food nylon which content, i believe contributed to my current state to clean up. Removing my stained pant I realise there was nothing I could do. So, i quickly dig a hole and adjust quickly before I slowly walk back to the bus. “Uhm! Uhm! What is smelling?" cries a passenger sitting 2 seats in front of me "yes ooohh, me myself I have being wondering" seconds the guy beside me. Embarrassed I half cover my face and angrily voice out “what! It’s coming from outside” with others looking at me with their faces filled with suspicion or maybe it is my guilty conscience prickly me. 10 minutes later, the car comes to a jerky stop. "Driver, kilo sele?" Asks a passenger sitting 2 seats ahead of me “moto ti ku”, replied the driver “gear ni, mo ma kpe ore me to n je mechanic o ma wa lati se moto”. Oh! I cry can things get any worse. 30 minutes of waiting in the bus for a mechanic was beginning to take its toll and as I was about standing up the mechanic came and did a few mumbo jumbos bringing the car to a jerky start. "Chi!" Calls my brother nudging me with his elbow from a dream where my lips where a few inches from Ryan Reynolds "come follow me to the bank" he requests "oh! Let me be I am sleeping" I reply as I struggle back into Ryan's arms he asks again but this time, he follows his requests with tickles chasing away all traces of sleep. Looking up I see we were already approaching the said bank. Knowing I had no choice I wiped my eyes and did my best to look good with the brush, powder and little make-up I had on hand. At the ATM Chiemelie withdrew and I decided to do the same bringing out my card I type in my pin and begin to process the transaction but it replied that the pin was wrong I felt the machine was wrong and I tried again as it was my card and I know my own. Transaction incomplete it read again and I tried again but this time the machine seized my card. "This is a joke right?" I say to my brother as I hit the machine consecutively as though the action would make the machine spit out my card. Let’s go in and report what happened says my brother and on the brink of tears I follow him into the bank. "Ma’am excuse me" I call to the lady sitting behind the customer care desk as I move forward and trip over the barricade placed there which I hadn’t seen in my haste causing me to land with a thud on my bum "oh God!" Muttered chiemelie behind me. where have I heard that before? I wonder as struggle with tears as people turned to see my fall with their mouths open in sympathetic cries was I jinxed or who did I offend today I wonder as I saw my bag open with an ATM showing my name tumbling out as tears started falling down my face in shear embarrassment and humiliation.