LETTER TO MY EX

                                                                                               

                                                                                               February 15th 2015

03:53 am  

It was Monday, when I was sitting and watching the television that it struck me “I have no romance in my life” we all watch movies and read epic, space defying love stories. I want my life to be like a Shakespearean tale though, with a very big happily ever after. I want a love story like that of the greats, another Romeo and Juliet, Lois and Clark, Edward and Bella, Tris and Four, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele. Hey, it’s totally not cheesy and that’s what every little girl dreams about instead I am stuck in this excuse of a marriage with a young old soul. Seriously, where had the passion gone? Speaking of, I believe it was never really there in the first place or maybe it’s gone into hiding if so, I didn’t get the memo.

I have always been attracted to Robert he was and is in fact a charmer, when we first met and even more so after the second divorce oh! didn’t I say this is our third attempt at marriage yes, shocking I know but our tale has been a big and shall i say very long roller coaster I would admit that the first time around i married him for just for his money might I say that he is mightily rich and I went back to him because I had a fear of living alone. The marriage was initially a business arrangement at least from my side and he very well knew that I had no feelings whatsoever for him it was in fact a lovely arrangement, he gets a good loving wife and a gracious hostess might I add with no questions asked and no expectation whatsoever and I get the security of being married to a fabulous man.

The second time around was well like I said because I didn’t like being alone but between the both of us I missed him. Robert you know is the arrogant, sarcastic, narcissistic type with plenty control issues which I don’t even know if it’s healthy I am attracted to but then again we got divorced because we couldn’t stand each other as we could never see eye to eye on any issue and being two strong and determined people who always loved getting their way we butted heads over and over.

I felt that the right thing to do especially after an awful argument that he won seriously, he had no decency to let a lady win an argument (what we were even arguing about, I can’t remember) was to leave him and let him have his way on his own hence, the second divorce and as they say I felt that the third time would be the charm and agreed to marry him again after he came begging and shall I say, Robert NEVER begs. But like I said earlier, I have no romance in my life and Robert isn’t my prince charming coming to rescue me although, I would die if he ever got his hand on this diary and read this not that I wouldn’t say all this to his face but the fact that I have romantic notions in me *shivers*. I have been said to be emotionally unavailable and I believe I am very proud of this status.

Okay I really wanted to write a letter to Robert that’s why I am awake at this hour at the reading table I have packed my bags as Robert is still asleep and I hope to slip out as I can’t stand another confrontation with him so my letter, I want it to be brief and precise with of course the standard it’s not you it’s me when it really his him so it goes thus,

Dear Robby, (I love calling him this as he doesn’t like it but I think it’s cute)

It is said that the third time is a charm but it’s not so in our case I have been unhappy for a while now and at various time tried to share it with you but you never listen, you hear alright but never listen and yesterday’s event or lack of one proves my point. I have done my best to be the wife you deserve but I don’t believe we were meant to be together. I would always remember our time together fondly but I believe it’s time for us to move away from this relationship as it is unhealthy for the both of us. You deserve more and so do i.

                                                                                         Love, Funke

P.S my lawyers would see yours to arrange the terms of the divorce. I still get the apartment in New York right? It is stated in the prenuptial agreement.

Why Vote????

    It is 7:00 pm, I am sitting in the dark at my dining table with my phone buzzing with pings at my side. The only light in the room is that radiated by my laptop and the background music a mix of generators in my estate and a question comes to mind WHY VOTE?

  

Legally I am an adult and one of my civic responsibilities is to vote but why should i? It never occurred to me before to vote it is just what it is. Do I follow campaigns, have a particular candidate I am cheering for or believe in I ponder, and the answer is no maybe that’s why I am not inclined to vote. I see people engaged in heated arguments, each with a salient point that often times seems ludicrous to me. Persons go about tearing down posters of other candidates, properties being vandalized, reputations tarnished, the truth or the perception of it being leaked about agendas and character, conspiracy theories thrown up and about. Basically grown men and women fighting like naughty children for a piece of candy but this fight is more brutal as lives are on the line. Maybe this question has been sprouting in my subconscious and I did not notice or mind till today WHY SHOULD I VOTE?

I believe in democracy, as people have a right to choose their leaders but what is the definition of leadership in our county today? What is the scale or the rules guiding our selection of those who rule us? Is it a popularity contest or an exalted pageantry showing us the glitz and glam not black, white or even gray? On which specter should we choose our leaders? I am young and naïve yes, but question do we choose our leaders based on kerosene, recharge cards, phones, Ankara, exercise book, bags of rice or biros? HOW DO WE CHOOSE? 

Nigeria in country age to me is a young adult and young men and women tend to see only the future it’s a stage in development where we work and strive for a better tomorrow.  It’s a stage to learn from those that have gone ahead of us and as a country we can only move ahead by having a great head. In medicine, if a patient is declared brain dead  all other organs including the heart is working just fine but the brain is not hence, the person is as good as dead after a while if organs are not harvested for transplant or the person pulled off life support infection occurs the person becomes septic and all organs fail. A leader is also the head, the cranium that shield the brain. IF I VOTE, HOW SHOULD I?

As I write, I realize that I was not as laid back about the issue of voting as I thought and as my frustration is almost spent, I leave with even more questions. Perhaps; I have grown up with the perception of a corrupt Nigeria where campaigns are done, the illusion of democracy given whilst the winners have been preappointed before time. A little side deal, a shake of hands, the rigging of ballot boxes and a leader appointed. Perhaps, I was just disappointed and didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of hope in the integrity of my nation thinking that my one piece of paper can count or maybe I am waiting for the one and if there would be how would i know? DO I COUNT?

ELEPHANT

I can’t believe it! I soooo can’t believe it; he said it, he said it, he said those3 magical words have been dying to hear since forever. Okay I know am a drama queen so not forever but 3months, 2weeks and 5days since we’ve been dating. Those 3 words and 8 letters that every girl wants her dream man to say and should I say that Emeka is my dreams come true.

We were introduced at a friend’s party. He was actually the best friend of my best friend’s boyfriend could the world get any better??? Best friends dating (a perfect duo couple) it was indeed a match made in heaven. Okay so how we met, my friend Chioma was having a get together to celebrate her promotion at work but it was more like an excuse to introduce her new BF to all her friends and his but I must add it was also to declare that they were serious. Just like Chioma to do that sort of thing.

So we decided to play a game to lighten the mood and make us all interact in a more relaxed atmosphere and Taboo won because duh! It was mine and Chioma’s favorite and we dominate but Fred caught on i.e. Chioma’s BF and split us when it was time to choose teams using the excuse that we know the game and should teach others. So for those of you who don’t know taboo is like charade but instead of actions to describe the word you use other synonyms apart from those on the card.

That was how I ended up in the same team as Emeka. We were both very competitive and funny enough were in tune to one another and we practically got the right words out of the others mouth. Especially the funny episode when he had to guess the word danger mouse from me and I couldn’t say cartoon or animal so I rambled a bunch of nonsense and I don’t know how he totally guessed the word correctly. I believe it was there I fell in love and from there we almost laughed our heads off, got talking and well we now here.

 Well HERE is: La mango a restaurant at Ikeja GRA area where we are having dinner and he asks me; Tolu, guess what? and he mouths I LOVE YOU and there I was spinning out of my mind. But hey what girl confesses first no matter how excited I am with my fingers itching to start pinging, I have to control myself so I ask again “ sorry I didn’t get that?” feigning confusion then he mouths it again making my heart skid and thump with excitement . But like the correct African Yoruba woman I am I ask “Abeg open your mouth and talk jo” and he sighs can’t you guess I said “ELEPHANT”. WHAT????????????????????????????? My heart skids to a stop like a car on a slippery fast lane ELEPHANT?? I also mouth seeing his smiling face at his intelligent discovery.